I Don't Wanna Lose
by Spectra
Summary: A songfic based on the song 'I Don't Wanna Lose' by Eiffel 65. A little story in which Dib takes time to think about some things in his life while stargazing one night. My first songfic ^_^ Please R&R. Thank you!


            Author's Notes:  Okay, I've decided to join all the other song fic-ers out there and wrote this little piece about Dib.  The song I've chosen is 'I Don't Wanna Lose' by Eiffel 65 from their new album, Contact.  I picked this song because I wanted to do SOMETHING with an Eiffel 65 song (because I love them sooooo much!), and Dib is my favorite character so I made it about him.  I also thought this song fit Dib quite nicely for some reason  ^_^  I only wish the song could be playing while you read this fic (if you have the album I'd recommend you listen as you read) because the music, not just the lyrics, seem to fit the mood of the story; it's got a very surreal, spacey, trance-like melody.  And if you don't have Contact I also recommend buying it cause it totally kicks ass!  The song titles sound a little strange, but they're just fantastic ^_^  Alright, enough shameless endorsement, ON TO THE SONGFIC!

I Don't Wanna Lose   Song Lyrics by Eiffel 65, Songfic written by Spectra 

The thick, velvet night sky draped the horizon like a blanket, thousands of pinpricks of light shining though its smooth darkness in a scintillating swirl of diamonds.  Below its canopy, a silent, solitary figure lay on the roof, blending in with the blackness except for the glint reflecting off his glasses, the eyes behind them taking in the beauty of the endless expanses above.  

How long had it been?  How long had it been since he'd actually climbed on the roof of his house without lugging a ton of equipment and monitoring gadgets up with?  It was a perfect night, not a cloud in sight, nothing to interfere with any incoming or outgoing transmissions he could possibly pick up on or any UFOs he might spot, but for some reason Dib decided not to bring his satellite dish or his laptop or anything else with him that night.

_Space,_

House of black 

_House of lights_

_House of noise you've never heard_

_Full of vacuum and _

_Crowded of shadows_

Besides, he knew what was out there already anyway.  Dib already knew what was beyond the limit of the stratosphere, hundreds maybe thousands of light years away.  He knew what lay past the Milky Way.  Some people imagine outer space as being lonely and desolate, but Dib knew that there was at least one other form of life out there besides their own.  He knew because he had proof; namely Zim, the extraterrestrial psycho that made his life miserable at every turn.  Ever since that evening when he'd heard the voices coming thorough his satellite transmission loud and clear, he'd known 'they' were out there.

Dib sighed, his breath echoing in the stillness, thinking back to how it was before the alien had arrived.  It was all a blur to him.  He saw unclear images of being at skool and kids picking on him, the daily routine of getting up and going to sleep, bits and pieces of memory involving his dad and sister, even some flashes of his mother.  Dib knew that all these things and more had had some involvement with his life, he even remembered a few minute details, but it seemed to him that the last ten years of his life had not belonged to him, as if he were just going through the motions of living and not actually experiencing anything real.   There was one thing, however… one thing in his life that he always could remember clearly; those times he spent lying on the top of the house, lost in the night sky.

_Space,_

_Like a watch with no time_

_Like a book without an end_

_An equation and thousands solutions_

Those times rang the clearest and truest to him.  They were the only memories that he felt really belonged to him, the only times that he didn't feel like he'd woken from a dream that he couldn't remember having.   And yet the funny thing was, the times that were the realest were the times that nothing happened, when the world was quiet and his mind was calm.  Every night when he was younger, Dib would sneak up to the rooftop and just lie there, never making a sound, only thinking about what was out there on the other side of that breathtaking curtain of stars.  Now it seemed he did it less and less.  Spying on Zim ate up most of his time lately and when he did ascend the roof he always brought with him some sort of technology for monitoring paranormal happenings.  

Why had he chosen tonight to come alone?  He wondered that himself, but since there didn't seem to be an answer he decided that it really didn't matter.  He was there once again and it felt wonderful.  

The nighttime sky used to hold such a fascination for him and, lying there, that feeling of awe was still strong in his mind.  Dib closed one eye and squinted with the other as he held his hand close to his face and pretended to pinch the full moon between his index finger and thumb.  It seemed so close he almost expected to find silver specks of dust on his fingertips when he opened them.  The boy smiled at the thought.  He knew that most people when looking at the stars felt small and insignificant, but for Dib the exact opposite was true.  When he stared off into space he felt important, like he was part of something that no one else could even comprehend and that he was truly created for a special purpose.  It was when he was forced to come back down to Earth and be around people that he felt small and alone.

_I don't wanna lose_

_my belief now_

_that space_

_somewhere has_

_a limit beyond_

_what I see_

_and what I breathe_

_I live_

Dib realized the irony of the situation, but shrugged it off easily.  There was no point in trying to figure out why he felt the way he did so he figured it was easier to just go with it.  When he was around people he felt alone, and when he was by himself he felt like a part of things.  Simple as that.  Of course there was always Zim.  

Ah, yes, there was always the small, green alien who was forever trying to destroy the Earth with failed attempts and whom Dib had taken it upon himself to foil at every turn.  Dib sometimes pondered exactly how he felt about the whole situation.  On the one hand constantly keeping his guard up and his senses sharp trying to defeat his nemesis took a lot out of him.  On the other hand he no longer needed to look at the night sky to feel important; with Zim he was the protector of the Earth… even though no one else knew it.  When he was in pursuit of Zim he felt as alive as he did when he was all alone and enveloped in his own little, starry world, and right now, lounging on the cold roofing tiles and looking out at the worlds beyond his own, he smiled.  Out of all the inhabited planets out there spinning in space, the Earth was his.  Despite all the mean kids at skool, despite the cruel teachers, despite all the fighting and the wars and the killing, despite all the pain he'd gone through and seen others go through his whole life because of these things, the Earth was ultimately his to protect… even if no one else knew it.  

But couldn't someone else just protect the world if he'd never existed?  Sometimes he wondered about that, but deep down he really didn't think so.  Somehow he just _knew_ that he was there for a reason and that reason was to save humanity from alien enslavement.  And when he thought about it further he could see that foiling Zim was the only other thing in his life that even came close to making him as content as when he was watching the night sky.  

Dib shifted his position.  Laying in one spot for so long was starting to hurt his back and his arms were falling asleep, but he couldn't leave just yet.  He sat up and stretched out his limbs, yawned, then plunked back down, crossing his legs and folding his arms under his head.

Would he change anything?  If he had a choice, would he have chosen that Zim never came to Earth?  No, probably not.  Despite all the junk Zim put him through, Dib's life was at least more exciting now.  But there was more to it than that.  Maybe Zim's race was a dud he thought, but Dib's discovering it did something besides making him Earth's hero; now he also knew without a shadow of a doubt that there was life other than just that of this little, blue jewel of a planet.  And even though Zim was a total nutcase as probably were the other members of his race, Dib still couldn't help but believe that there were endless possibilities out there in the rest of the universe, that there were other civilizations besides Zim's.  Other forms of plant and animal life, new technology, thousands upon thousands of different languages, intelligent creatures that lived under water or under ground, or perhaps flew in the air.  Discovering Zim was only the first thread of the limitless web of alien life that existed up there.  The universe was teeming with life and that there were probably more inhabited planets than any human could count.  And who knew what else?  

_I don't wanna lose_

_my belief now_

_that space_

_somewhere has_

_an end and beyond_

_who knows what we_

_will find out there_

_Somewhere_

As Dib sank further and further into his meditative calmness, he suddenly felt there was a better word than 'awe' for what he felt when he looked out into the reassuring familiarity, and yet still mysterious void of space: Love.   As he drifted off, his last coherent thought flittered through his mind, that everything was as it should be.

_I don't wanna lose_

_my belief now_

_that space_

_somewhere has_

_a limit beyond_

_what I see_

_and what I breathe_

_I live_

About twenty minutes later Dib's digital watch flashed 3:00am in bright, phosphorescent blue, but he didn't see it.  His eyelids were gently lowered behind his askewed glasses, his hair now mussed into a black tangle.  He rolled over onto his side, snoring lightly, and huddled up under the warmth of his trench coat, wrapping himself up in a black cocoon.  As the stars continued their trek across the heavens, Dib slept peacefully, a tiny smile tugging the corners of his mouth as he dreamed.

_I don't wanna lose_

_my belief now_

_that space_

_somewhere has_

_an end and beyond_

_who knows what we_

_will find out there_

_Somewhere_

____________________________________________

'I Don't Wanna Lose' song lyrics © of Eiffel 65

Invader Zim Characters © of Jhonen Vasquez 

One more note:  Well, didja like it?  ^-^  I wanted it to be kinda sweet and hopeful there at the end.  The point behind this was just to try and see into Dib's mind while he is stargazing one night and listen to his thoughts as he drew some conclusions about things.  I wanted it to be not really angst, rather reflection.  I see all these fics where he's depressed and wants to kill himself, so I wanted to have a fic where he's at least a little bit optimistic about his life.  It's probably not the best, but I hope you enjoyed it  ^_^


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